The past one year was a definite long, bumpy road; countless unexpected things occurred. I had trouble adapting to life in clinic, of course it is not the tight schedule, but more to dealing with unhealthy environment. There has been too much negativity and judgements that I have to bear while keeping my life together. Although there will be one more year to come, at some point yours truly felt tired to face the whole complicated thing. Everything barely makes sense.
When you are a student, life in clinic is a myriad of mixed personalities, losing hopes, and ceaseless failures. This unquestionably transformed myself per se without having me realized when it started. Sometimes I am lacking of willingness to finish because some things—and people—are too complicated to fathom. As much as I am constantly immersing myself into positivity, the continuous exposure to negativity shaped the person I am now.
What becomes the issue is not really how to figure out the effective way to complete all of the case requirements, but how to react to those who perpetually bring people down on the way achieving common goals. I understand that dealing with people is manageable if not difficult, but when you are put into a pool of self-centered individuals, it is another story. It is grueling to keep myself sane while some are working alone, letting other people feel the suffering. The problem is not them working on their own but how their actions are harming other people who work hand in hand, putting fairness on top of everything.
Some are too glorifying their achievements, perhaps lacking of acknowledgement. Some are too righteous, seeing other people more inferior than them. Some are too unfair, hungering for equity when they never put others atop. I feel like surrounded by copious load of hatred, misfortune, and exasperation. It is, indeed, heartbreaking. However, I feel bad for them for not being able to see a thing from the good perspective, it must be exhausting to rely their happiness on other’s hardship.
Would it be very unfair that I only tell you from one perspective, I would say that clinical life has been teaching me the art of acceptance, respect, and other values of life which are far beyond extracting teeth and doing a good restoration.
There are people who have genuine interest to help and offer their hands to support us who are in need—knowing that their action makes everything at ease. They never feel burdened to trade their personal matter with communal benefits. People to whom I owe my life.
In between the journey, I also met those who live in modesty, or at least they seemed to be. Most of them are from poor family, and yet very thankful for their lives. Their stories broke my heart, I met a kid who is always happy and excited; it turned out that she is from a broken family who do not even own a house. On another occasion, I talked to a single mom who succeed to raise two children on her own. It hit me hard—it was a shame for me that I could not be thankful enough for my life that is filled with good company and pleasant past.
Over the time, I learn the hard way that accepting the fate that we despise might not be easy, but it is never impossible. All we need is to complain less, allowing a space to embrace the moment. As a friend of mine always said to me, in the end you will reach the finish line but your road might be bumpier than some, your journey might be more arduous than the others. That is what makes you going and growing, that is what shapes you. Despite all, for whatever I have accomplished in life so far, I am thankful.